“If you ever come home drunk again, I’m going to leave you,” his wife warned a man who drank heavily.

In any case, that evening he went out to a bar and drank a ton and was wiped out all around his shirt.

“If I go home like this, my wife will leave me,” he told his friend.

“I tell you what, put a twenty-pound note in your inside jacket pocket, go home, show it to her, and tell her somebody threw-up over you and he gave you the money for the dry-cleaning bill,” his friend instructed.

When he returns home, his wife tells him that she is leaving because she is upset with him. However, he responds, “No, no, no, somebody was sick on me and he put a twenty-pound note in my jacket pocket for the dry-cleaning bill.”

His wife finds some cash in the pocket of his jacket.

“Then why are there two twenty-pound notes in there?” one might ask.

“Oh, the other one is from the man who peed in my pants,” she said.